You big dummies.
That's really fun to say. We should all say it more.
In our house, we call our children the following : Monster, turd, war-monger, heathen, creature, butthead, goober-monkey, goober, hellion, manipulator, diva, banana-butt, butter-brain, insane, lunatic, fruit-loop, ridiculous, absurd, dummy, ding-bat, stank-butt, stank-head, dingleberry, big-hungry, whiner, wimpy, princess, princess banana blanket, lead-foot, peanut, skinny-minnie, two-ton-a-balogna, Ona-balogna, Carmalena, Carmeanie, Nemrac, Carmen the Mar-man, Carmen the butt, elephant butt, big-foot, pea-head, shrimp-fried buttface, eight-pound water head, tiny tyrant, donkey-brain, booger butt and whatever other endearing terms may come to mind. They enjoy it almost as much as we do.
In our house our children can use what society stupidly considers foul language: Fuck, shit, damn, hell, ass, crap and other arrangements of letters that have never hurt another human or their property.
In our house, we allow freedom of expression through language. Why? Because it's far superior to driving your car into a crowd of people.
We use language to love, to express something in a creative way or to release frustration. We use language to avoid physical confrontation. We've instilled in our children that society isn't so forgiving or accepting and they should always consider their circumstances when choosing their words, which is a bullshit reality they have to work around.
We also put an emphasis on intention. An appropriate response to breaking your ridiculously overpriced but equally necessary iPad is to scream "shit!". But, if dad takes the last piece of cheesecake and the kids put on their cheer outfits and chant "Daddy is an asshole! Kill him," we are going to address the need for respect, and how to make a catchier slogan. You might be surprised at how quickly children come to understand this, yet how incredibly inept adults are with the concept. Just a moment ago, Fiona said, "I want cotton candy, damn it." Whenever you want cotton candy, you want it, damn it. Yet she's never once demeaned me personally with the intent to harm. Why? She likes having an ipad, cotton candy and being able to say damn it when she wants cotton candy. Are you starting to see how this works?
Although I put an emphasis on respect in our home, I remind our kids endlessly that the rest of the world isn't so considerate. They can and must expect people to say things to them with the intention to offend. I will tell you the same thing I tell them. If you find offense in a word, you own it. No person can offend you with language unless you allow it. You alone get to decide what will hurt you emotionally, so don't be a baby.
You can be offensive without bad language and I'm sure that as that idiot drove his car into a crowd today in Virginia, he didn't say a word. His actions were thorough enough to express his intent. True hate doesn't require language, it has better tools for destruction. Our society is so hung up on the things that cause no harm to others. No, your feelings don't count. As a society, nitpicking over language has become a tool to align one group as a victim and another as an aggressor, or as a tool to distract the left hand from what the right is destroying.
Maybe, had we a culture that embraced free-speech and expression of ideas, regardless of how reprehensible they may be, we would have less people mowed down in the street and more blog posts to hate on. Think about that the next time you try to silence someone. In the meantime, I'll be here raising foul-mouthed not Ted Bundy.
You are free to call me anything you would like. In fact, there is a comment section below where I welcome it, asshole.
The Reprobate's Guide to Pancakes 